From the time they can understand empathy, we teach our children to be kind to others.  Patience, understanding, respect…..virtues that they’ll carry with them for life. We hope.

When our kids misbehave, when they forget to show kindness, when they’re mean, we must step in. As parents, it is our job to remind them that we treat others as we would like to be treated.

Sadly, this seemingly simple lesson from youth can be lost on us as we navigate through the intricacies of adolescence and adulthood. In school, we find ourselves having to deal with bullies. In our professional lives, we encounter the same situation, in a different package. 📦 Weren’t we all taught the basic lessons of humanity?

No.

We find ourselves having to play defense in an unkind world. Bullies are the result of forgotten lessons. Or worse, lessons never taught. Although we cannot control or predict the erratic behaviour of these individuals, we own our reaction and response.

Not easy to keep cool 😎 in the face of angry, hateful words. But if we teach our kids, and ourselves, to seek resolve with fairness, kindness, and peace, the disruptive nature of the few, will be overcome by the humanity of the masses.

I write this on the eve of election day, with the news on in the background, acutely aware that these “simple” lessons need to repeated not only from generation to generation, but often throughout one’s lifetime.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear teenage girl, 👧

You are young, smart, and beautiful. Your potential is boundless. The world is waiting for you to make your mark. Expectations are high, and rightfully so. You’ve been given so much. Blessed with family, good education, friends. There is nothing that can hold you back. That’s what you’ve been told since you were a wee tot.

What examples of success have you been shown? And are those examples what you want for yourself? Who is your positive role model? Who do you look up to? Who do you trust?

If any of these questions have been difficult to answer, perhaps you haven’t figured it out yet.

Well meaning family and friends will try to “encourage” you. When you’re not living up to pre determined expectations, (theirs, not yours), they will reaffirm the belief that you are destined for something more. Bluntly stated, you are a disappointment. But that doesn’t bother you, right? This is a “pep talk”.

Meanwhile, your friends have followed their dreams, walking their own paths. You still can’t decide which path is yours, which direction to go. So, you wander. Your lack of motivation further solidifies your “disappointing” status.

If anyone truly understood you, they would not question your apparent lethargy, or be judgemental of your choices. Every eye rolling move you make is bringing you closer to the person you are supposed to be.

As you mature, the voices of your critics, (you know, the ones who care about you), will become muffled. You will no longer feel the weight of judgement. Instead, you will become determined to carve a path that may not have been previously foreseen. Deep down, you’ve always known who you are, and what your life will look like. Now, with a carefree heart, you move forward unencumbered by unsolicited opinion.

Hold on to lessons learned. Hold on to wisdom that has been imparted on you from those who only seek your love. Hold on to the belief that your soul is guided by love. Accept others in the way that you longed for. Let go of every painful memory, negative situation, and vitriolic individual.

We free ourselves, or we imprison ourselves. Free yourself, young girl, from yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Social Media Overload

In 1985, (I was 14 years old), social media did not exist yet. Duran Duran was all the rage, we wore Forenza sweaters, usually layered over stirrup pants, got our hair permed, bought books at Walden’s and albums at Cavages.

We loved the mall, and spent much of our time there. That was our socialization. If anyone was looking for us, they’d have to wait until we got home to call them back. (From a rotary phone, attached to a wall.)

Here we are in 2017. My daughter is 14 years old. Social media is part of popular culture. Favorite music is always at your fingertips, can be downloaded in seconds. Skinny jeans, tank tops, and anything from Pink fill the wardrobe. Blue or purple hair is not uncommon.

The mall is still a favorite destination for today’s teenager, just as it was for us in the 80’s. But socialization has changed.

In today’s world, an afternoon of shopping, primping, and dining is thoroughly documented on social media as it happens. Fitting rooms and restrooms become the backdrop for selfie photo shoots. And, as long as your phone is fully charged, you can be reached immediately. Socialization.

In my humble opinion, socialization lacks personalization in 2017. We know what everyone is doing, where everyone is, what they’re eating, what they’re listening to, etc. But do we really know the individual?

Before social media, we were tasked with getting to know a person through conversation and time spent together. Sure, we took photos in the 80’s. (Usually not in restroom mirrors, though.) We formed our opinions about each other based on personal and social experiences. Social media cannot gage one’s true humanity.

As the parent of a teenager in this hyper informational era, my concern is always safety. Knowing your child’s whereabouts at all times is great for a parent. But now, that information is shared with everyone. Peace of mind, or cause for concern?

As technology advances, will we continue to lose touch with ourselves? Will social media shape, repair, or destroy our reputations?

A timeless truth remains; we control our content. That includes content of character, as well as the content of our news feeds.

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies, can we all admit that the lifelong struggle to stay fit and healthy is daunting? I can.

Since childhood, I’ve struggled with my weight and the manufactured idea of beauty. As a child, I loved my Barbie dolls. She was young, gorgeous, tiny waist, huge boobs, long legs. Certainly, this is the ideal model for girls, right?

Fast forward to high school. (No pressure there 😉) We learned how mean teenagers can be. Better stay thin, or they’ll taunt you. We’re still learning about our bodies. Everything is new. And you’re fighting a battle against acne to top it off. Not pleasant for an awkward youth with little confidence.

We find ourselves in our 20’s. This was my decade of personal enlightenment and independence. Time to set aside the self doubt. Take care of yourself. Staying fit was easy. I walked everywhere, and couldn’t afford to eat because the rent was due. Most effective diet I’ve ever been on.

Next, the thirtysomethings. We have established ourselves. Marriage, house, kids. Finding balance, right? This is exactly the time I decided to like myself.

As women, we are constantly trying to please others. Having spent way too much time concerned with the opinions of people that don’t matter, I have come to the conclusion that love of self is more important than the need for external approval.

I’m not advocating for an unhealthy lifestyle. We need to be careful about what we put in our bodies. We need to stay fit and strong. At the same time, we need to accept ourselves, unconditionally.

We can improve ourselves by working toward personal goals. But, you must love yourself through the journey.

For now, I’m still fat. But, I’m happy. And I’m hopeful.